Breaking Gender Stereotypes to the Glory of God

I guess I was always a different sort of girl. I rarely if ever played with dolls. I played football with the boys at recess and left jump rope to the girls. I detested wearing skirts, dresses, or anything pink, preferring instead jeans, t-shirts, and tennis shoes. My long hair always went into a pony tail, which was in turn swept up into a baseball cap. I enjoyed helping my dad work on cars (or, as I once put it, allowing him to help me), though I don’t think I was really ever any help at all. I enjoyed playing in the dirt, riding bikes with the neighbor boys, and staying out until dark shooting baskets in our yard. I remember at one point wondering if the doctor had made a mistake when I was born and if I really was a boy.

Though I grew out of many of my “gender non-conforming” ways—I no longer wear baseball caps all the time or particularly enjoy working on cars—many have remained. I still don’t like to wear skirts or dresses, still wear my hair in a ponytail more than is probably normal, and care more about the goings-on on ESPN than HGTV or TLC. I’ve never watched Say Yes to the Dress, Chip and Magnolia Gaines (Did I even get that name right?), a makeup tutorial on YouTube, and couldn’t care less about fashion. My nails are never painted; and, if I can help it, I still never wear pink.

Never was I more aware of my “deficiencies” in girliness than in the months leading up to my wedding. Though I was 32 when I got married and had desired a husband for some time before God brought the right man along, I didn’t grow up planning my own wedding and had never even thumbed through a bridal magazine. I had no clue (and, to many people’s frustration, no opinion) about decorations, flowers, or lighting. Because I hadn’t spent my life fantasizing about my “dream wedding,” as apparently most young girls do, I was pretty much worthless at wedding planning. I spent the entire five months of my engagement feeling like a fish out of water trying to answer questions, make decisions, and not act like an ignorant fool in the process. Why I didn’t elope still mystifies me.

To put it simply, I’m just not that kind of girl.

What the World Says

I’m thankful to have grown up in the 90s, when I was given the innocuous badge of “tomboy.” The terms “gender non-conforming,” and “gender dysphoric” had not yet been coined; or if they had, had not yet entered the vocabulary of the average person. However, were I a child today, perhaps I’d be approached by a well-intentioned but misguided educator who would question my “gender identity” because my “gender expression” didn’t conform to that of typical females.

In preparing to write this post, I did a quick Google search of “signs that you might be transgender.” The Google AI bot that now answers all of my questions, gave me two lists: a set of behavioral cues and a set of emotional cues that might tell a person that he or she is “mislabeled” as the wrong gender. While I didn’t meet the emotional criteria, my younger self certainly checked a lot of boxes on the behavioral list—all because I didn’t like hot pink, baby dolls, or nail polish.  

Ironically, in an effort to “liberate” people like me who don’t fit the typical stereotype of their gender, the world actually reinforces those stereotypes. The logic goes something like this, if you don’t fit the mold of a girl (or a boy) and it seems like you fit better in the mold of the other gender, then that’s probably where you really belong. But do you see the problem? (Okay, bad question. There are lots of problems with that statement.) Do you see how the entire transgender movement is predicated on the idea of boy and girl “molds”? The stereotypes that feminists and progessives have tried so hard to break are actually the backbone of the notion that boys can be girls and girls can be boys.

Ironic, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a worldview that had room for girls to be girls even if they like football, NASCAR, and power tools? Or for a man to be a man even if he’d rather crochet than swing a hammer and listen to showtunes rather than Metallica?

I have good news. There is.

A Better, Biblical Way

While a biblical worldview may be accused of reinforcing gender stereotypes and putting women into a straightjacket of patriarchal oppression, when applied rightly, it actually provides beautiful freedom in gender expression (how you express your maleness or femaleness) while leaving no ambiguity regarding gender identity (whether a person is male or female).

Genesis 1:27 removes all question marks when it comes to the question of the binary nature of the genders:

So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female. (Gen 1:27 )

In the new and “very good” world, free from the deceit and stain of sin. God created exactly two genders. And while we suffer under the curse, which brings with it physical, emotional, and mental suffering, we do not have to wonder if God made a mistake in His creation of each one of us:

For it was you who created my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.
My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth. (Psa 139:13-15)

Each of us is “remarkably and wondrously made.” God did not accidentally put a male into a female body. He did not give the wrong parts to a girl who likes professional wrestling or to a guy who prefers ballet. We can rest assured in our sexual identity because we can trust our good and faithful Creator in doing what is right (1 Pet. 4:19).

The news gets better. Because I am secure in my femaleness, I need not wonder whether I am actually a female. The great variety and spectrum in gender expression—from the girliest of girls to the most rugged of men and everything in between—speaks to the creativity and imagination of our Designer. He created a world filled with diversity: from seasons, to topography, animal species, and plant life. Everywhere we look we see variances. Why wouldn’t He give us a variety not only in our appearances but also in our tastes, abilities, interests, and talents?

I realize that gender dysphoria is a real and painful struggle for some individuals, and I do not intend to downplay that at all. But rather than feeding that pain, we can start from a place of freedom. It’s okay to express your gender in ways that don’t fit neatly into our culture’s box. We can break the gender stereotypes all to the glory of our intelligent, creative Designer!